Lost Girl Recap (Dis)Members Only: Membership Has Its Privileges

Lost Girl Episode 1.12 (Dis)Members Only

I’d like to think I’m objective. “Just the facts, Jack.” But, I’m a horrible liar. Honestly, this is a fangirl recap. I get all giddy at the sight of happy, relaxed, joking, smiling, even if mostly dressed Dyson. If fact, I’m giggling right now. Bo + Dyson, Kenzi  + Hale, snide sidekick commentary, swingers, sexy undercover moments, rubber ducky time, and two succubae! Put on your seat belt. The team is firing on all cylinders this episode and we get going right from the gun.

We open at the Dal. Dyson and Hale are pouring over maps, pointing out the areas most likely to be frequently by Sarah Palin-wannabes wielding rifles. Dyson has scored himself a long weekend, so he is taking his inner wolf out for a good bear hunt.

He is assuring “Papa Bear” Hale that he will keep his furry ass well away from the main hunting action, when in walks the girls. Bo finishes the thought with “And may I say, ‘what an ass.’” Unfortunately, the angle isn’t really beneficial for immediate confirmation. I seem to remember something in “Vexed” … All right, I’ll stay on track and just take her word for it. Dyson greets her with a purring “Hello, beautiful.” And I accidently fall off the couch onto the floor when my bones turn to jelly. I think I’ll just stay there for the rest of the episode, it seems safer. As Dyson explains his hunting plans, Bo does that annoying thing where she wraps her arm around his neck that reminds me of the National Guard trying to take down King Kong. But they’ve both got the biggest grins on their faces that for once I kinda don’t mind.

Upon finding out that Dyson has a long weekend away, Bo immediately highjacks it for some together time.

Apparently, they have barely seen each other for weeks. Time jump. Again. Sigh. This show is moving too fast. There is only one episode left in season 1, so even if my “all happiness is ultimately doomed”–sense wasn’t tingling that these guys are just too cheesy content to stick around for long, my years of TV watching have taught me that a big conflict is coming in the season finale and Bo and Dyson still need to be somehow ripped apart, possibly for good, by the start of the second season. Why aren’t we allowed a little happy? I’ve paid my dues: Ross and Rachel, Dawson and Joey, Felicity and Noel, Starbuck and Apollo, Buffy and Angel, etc, etc, times a hundred. Paid in full, my friend. And frankly, I’ve been cheated more than once. All that investment and not only do I not get the happy for any extended period of time, sometimes I don’t even get the happily ever after. So, while Bo is asking if a minibreak holiday weekend is too relationshipy for Dyson and he’s saying not at all with a smile that makes his eyes crinkle, I am trying to ignore the big black rain cloud that has to be on the horizon. And just to confirm that of course our instincts are right, Hale and Kenzi start a pool on when they are going to break up again. They have the best background chemistry this episode.

If that wasn’t enough to tell us that stupid happy is doomed, we meet the episode’s case of the week: a gardener so high he needs NASA training.

The poor kid is quickly dispatched by a blow to the head and then gobbled up by some vines. Time for the credits.

Happy Fun Time

Be still my heart, when we come back, Bo and Dyson are in a bubble bath doing their “figuring” on where to go this weekend. I know romantic getaways are supposed to be serious adult things, but I’m grooving on how playfully un-stuffy they make it.

Before anything interesting happens, Kenzi walks in and informs Bo that they’ve got a client consult for an old acquaintance of her’s. I understand that a lot of people take issue with the boundary-challenged Kenzi, but Bo and Dyson don’t seem that put out. They are all really comfortable with each other. I mean let’s face it, with all the injury booty calls, plus the fun ones, Kenzi’s probably gotten an earful. If she isn’t right at home with Bo’s sexy fun times, they need to start putting up walls in that joint. What’s great here is that Dyson is just as at home with Kenzi as he is with Bo. One big happy family. Did you just feel a rain drop? I swear that cloud is getting closer.

Bo puts on some clothes and meets with Kenzi’s friend from her less than legit times when she was known as Meow Meow. He’s the cousin of high gardener, “Thumper,” and we know what happened to him. So, cousin of Thumper tells Bo that they both work(ed) at a country club where some crazy stuff is happening, especially to the illegal workforce. Kenzi assures him that they will get to the bottom of it. But before the investigation can start they need a little help with their cover. It’s back to the bathroom to rope Dyson into living the good life with Bo. “I’m on vacation.” He whines, and you know he’s going to do it anyway. Bo tries first: “My cover will work so much better if you come in as my husband.” “Is that a proposal?” Melt. Then, Kenzi swings in to beg him to do a solid for a friend. “He’s your friend, not mine.” They remind him that they owe him one for saving his pelt with the whole Ba’al debacle. But it is Bo’s promise of a Polo shirt and some chinos that gets him in the game.

Meet Mitch: smarmy, country club manager, human, likes to hire illegal immigrants, maybe likes to kill illegal immigrants. Bo and Dyson are dressed in pastels and rocking the most absurd cover story ever. As Bo goes off on how rewarding her fake life with the UN is, we get a small moment with Dyson.

It’s like he’s finally stopped fighting. Problem is it is easy to see that Bo is not at the same point in her life. She’s just starting to figure out boys (and girls), and this boy has had 1000 years to realize just what he is looking for.

Meanwhile, the case takes a turn for the worse. Mitch says no problem to their application to join, but it’ll take a month. Dyson starts to work his cover and talk Mitch into something sooner, when Bo interrupts and succubus touches Mitch into something more immediate. With his mind still on his left ring finger and probably on his last 50 years of cop work, Dyson doesn’t seem thrilled with the interruption or the methodology. But they get the memberships and directions on how to find cousin of Thumper’s one lead: Blake Jorgensen.

As Bo and Dyson get changed for a little tennis, Kenzi is getting started as staff. Today, she’s from Venezuela—you can tell by the flower in her hair. The head chef tells Kenzi to not screw up and no one will call immigration. She definitely doesn’t like the nouveau riche members, but she dislikes the staff eating the food even more. I’m sensing Kenzi is going to be in trouble on this one.

Bo and Dyson come out wearing white tennis outfits. I’m glad I’m sitting on the floor because when I fall over laughing I’m safe from the ravages of gravity. Bo takes the lead introducing them while Dyson keeps tracking the tennis balls Blake hits like he’s dying for a game of fetch. Bo says they are new, and with the traveling, her tennis skills are a little rusty. “A good stiff one usually loosens me right up,” Blake shoots back. The camera flips back to Dyson as he catches a ball and freezes. Bo is snips, “Excuse me?” “A drink? Stiff drink?” Ha. We know what you meant, Blake. Insert dirty joke here about the aftereffects of a good stiff Dyson. Now that we’ve gotten that out of our system. It’s time for the team to take Blake to lunch and get some info on the case. Blake doesn’t know much, plus she’s pretty drunk already. She does know that the members are all newly wealthy, it all has something to do with closed door dealings, and she doesn’t get along with Mitch or his wife Chloe. The important clique has an after-hours scotch tasting, and luckily there’s one tonight.

Kenzi’s turn as wait staff isn’t going so well. She manages to impress Dyson with her erratic pouring skills. Another great background moment, as she flicks him off and he waggles his eyebrows at her.

But a short while later, she knocks water all over Chloe, earning her her first strike, and a word of warning from the creepy groundskeeper who’s been stalking around behind fences all day.

Back at the clubhouse, Bo and Dyson are making out on the couch when Kenzi comes home tired and dejected. They scootch over to make room for Kenzi on the couch, and she starts throwing her heels into the corner. “Senorita, the servant’s entrance is in the rear,” Dyson teases at her. One big family. “Bite my rear, dog breath.” He makes it up though with the world’s best foot massage. Say what you will, the man knows how to rub.  

The main topic of conversation, after Kenzi’s rough subway ride—who hasn’t had a few of those—is the case. Thumper as a real “slack ass,” which isn’t actually a reason to kill someone. Darn it. They all admit that something is up. Hale (yay!) is called to run member finances and help Kenzi with a little B&E of the manager’s office to look for clues. Bo and Dyson will crash the scotch tasting.

Hi Ho It’s Undercover We Go

Group meeting before they head out. Hale hasn’t found out anything about club finances save they’ve all been on the receiving end of good fortune. Bo thinks it’s unnerving that the fae has access to everyone’s financial records. Kenzi thinks it’s more unnerving that they think humans are food. I’m inclined to agree with her. She’s also worried about the Scooby Doo villain groundskeeper. “I’m pretty sure the creepy groundskeeper is sizing me up to fit in a bun.” “Must have just been looking for a snack,” Hale counters. She hits him and falls off the stool with a smile. Before they leave though, there is a knock at the door. Bo opens it to find Saskia on the other side. She wants to make up and go party with her fellow sex kitten. “I’m talking sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll at a level so high you need NASA training.”

Saskia is not happy to hear that Bo already has plans with “Ken doll” Dyson. But if she knew the plans, she might have reconsidered.

Welcome to Scotch Night!

Turns out scotch night is not so much about scotch and back room financial deals as it is a…well…swingers hot tub party. And here are Bo and Dyson without their swim suits. Mitch and Chloe are happy to meet the newcomers, but we’re getting very little information about the case.  Meanwhile, Kenzi and Hale are snarking their way through the manager’s office. He keeps making “little” jokes, and Kenzi is too worried about being on the manager’s wife’s murder/death/kill list to shake it off. She wants info, and she wants it before they come after her. They’ve found employee files on all the illegals, including the number of strikes they racked up before disappearing. Their investigation is cut short when the creepy groundskeeper (Yes, I’m contractually obligated to add the “creepy” every time he is mentioned. SyFy put it in the release) shines a flashlight through the door. They hide under the desk. Kenzi is pretty scared, so Hale tells her to come closer. All we get to see are their two hands moving nearer and nearer. What a tease.

Unfortunately, Bo and Dyson aren’t fairing much better. Smarmy Mitch and Chloe taste the success in the air and want to share the flavor. Bo and Dyson are their kinda people. Bo’s considering. But, Dyson’s not interested. When Mitch puts his hand on Dyson’s robe-covered shoulder, I worry wolfboy might bite it off. But instead, Dyson politely begs off due to an early morning, promising another time, rubbing the small of Bo’s back, and sounding concerned. I love the easy intimacy of the touch, and the way Bo leans into him when they move in for the close up. But there is tension between them as they leave.

By the time they get home, it is a full-fledged fight. “So you blow a chance to get more info on the case?” “I guess we’re just gonna have to find a less sleazy way of getting our information.” She yells at him to talk to her. And talk he does. He doesn’t want to share her. “I don’t want anyone else’s hands on your body. I don’t want anyone’s mouth on yours.” And, he knows that she doesn’t want to hear it.” Silly, Dyson. Bo’s been begging for commitment since episode 3. Remember the sad looks when they agreed to the “see other people” rule in “Dead Lucky”? Still, he knows she’s a succubus. “It’s not in your nature to be monogamous.” “I’m more than just my species. I don’t see you running around howling at the moon, chasing rabbits.” Good one, Bo. Chalk one up for higher functioning over animal instincts. But that different places in their lives thing comes back. Dyson knows that lying about who you are and trying to change the person you love never works. Oh, the roadblocks in front of them! “I can be intense. I can be territorial. And god knows, I can be mule headed. But I’m also yours…If you’ll have me.” YES! Bo isn’t making any promises, but she wants to try and make it work.

There’s one caveat: no secrets. And the rain starts falling. Unlike Bo, we know that Dyson is harboring Trick’s secret about her mother. He agrees to her request without a whisper of Aoife. As Kenzi would say, “Crapballs.” But the next day, wearing very tight pants indeed, Dyson walks into the Dal and gives Trick an ultimatum: Tell Bo everything and do it tonight, or he will. We’ve seen this sort of ultimatum before, and it almost never results in anyone coming clean. Dyson does seem resolved, so maybe thing will work out okay. Is that hail? Crapballs. My hope umbrella is shredding.

Dyson and Bo are back at the country club looking for clues and eating a lovely spread. Kenzi tells them that Blake has gone missing. Dyson gets a call from the office and he’s getting a raise. Weirdness. Bo and Dyson go to take a look around, and Kenzi continues accruing strikes on her permanent record.

A Walk in the Woods

Hand in hand, without a worry in sight, except Kenzi ending up murder fae bait, Bo and Dyson stroll through the country club hoping to stumble on something. As is always the case in undercover ruses like this one, she is also using this time to consider their potential life together. Bo seems to approve, “it’s almost boring.” Dyson is motivated to convince her otherwise.

In case the kiss wasn’t sexy enough for you, Dyson throws in a little nuzzling growl at the end. And I can’t imagine that their sex life could ever possibly be boring. They keep walking to promises of a long, boring time together. Utterly doomed they are. Before they get too far down the lane, Bo finds a winning lottery ticket. Now they are good and truly suspicious. Enter creepy groundskeeper. They split up to chase him. Dyson loses him in the woods, but sneaks up behind Bo. She spins around and throws a punch. He easily catches her fist and kisses it, grinning like the Cheshire Cat the entire time. She’s annoyed. “Don’t do that!” “I’m sorry, forgive me?” I’d forgive him crashing my car and global warming and plagues of locusts right about now. Luckily, I don’t have to. He lost the scent, but they keep looking until they find a creepy hatch with gross smelling green goo inside. Dyson fishes around and pulls out a pink visor. RIP Blake. I liked you while you lasted.

It’s time to get down to the case at hand. They analyze the green goo, determining that there is a bunch of human DNA, including Blake and Thumper, with a bit of fae thrown in for good measure. Time for answers, and Bo prefers the direct approach. They stride into Mitch’s office and Bo succubuses him until he gives up the goods. Mitch and his swinger friends feed sacrifices to something in the woods and in return every member of the club gets ahead. The group gets together, picks an illegal staff member, someone not very good at their job, and sacrifices them. Dyson says it sounds like dark fae. So, his job there is at an end. But he’ll take care of Mitch and Mitch’s memory of the good times he’s had for the last 5 years. Yeah, don’t piss off the fae. Bo and Kenzi are on their own, so the best place to find out what kind of mysterious fae they are up against is at Trick-o-pedia’s. They bring him the feeding byproduct and combined with info that club members have been on the receiving end of good fortune, he identifies it as a land wight. Nature fae, plant shifter, likes to eat people, lives in harmony with the land, poop makes people wealthy. Bo is thrilled that she ate that salad.

Bo and Kenzi deduce that since he is putting the fertilizer on the ground and he is super creepy, the creepy groundskeeper must be the bad fae. Kenzi goes to the kitchen to stop people eating fae poop. Bo goes after creepy groundskeeper.

Wrong guy. Bo jumps to their next suspect: the head chef, who is currently wrapping her vines around Kenzi.

Bo arrives and takes issue with the land wight drooling all over Kenzi. Bo’s brought the staff with her, and they’ve got herbicide with them. Guess they too took issue with the drooling. “Yeah, villagers and pitchforks never made a very good combo did they?” Kenzi quips as they leave. “This is between you and your prey.”

The Wrap-up

Back at the clubhouse, cousin of Thumper is still confused about the whole thing, but he understands he can’t talk about it and he does feel like he got closure. He is worried about Thumper’s family, so Bo gives him the winning lottery ticket. At the Dal, Trick confirms that Bo isn’t being implicated in the land wight’s death. Dyson asks if he has told Bo yet. “It wasn't the right time.” “For something like this, there is never a right time.” “Dyson, please!” Dyson is all business. He gets up pulls out his phone and arranges to meet Bo later so he can tell her something. I appreciate that Dyson is following through with his ultimatum, but I know it is too late for anything to work out well.

At the cop shop, Dyson is putting the case to bed when someone in high heels walks slowly into the room. Saskia.

As she chi sucks Dyson to death, we learn who she really is Aoife. Bo comes in to Saskia/Aoife riding Dyson and ordering him to say her name. Saskia/Aiofe knocks mostly dead Dyson to the floor. “This is embarrassing. You weren’t supposed to see this.” Giggle. What a crazy slut! Bo goes after her toxic friend, but Saskia/Aoife breaks a chair over her. Ouch. Bo picks up a shard of chair leg and stabs Saskia/Aoife with it.

Bo’s not taking Saskia/Aoife up on the friendship offer, so the Saskia/Aoife leaves leaking crazy and blood all over the place. Bo rushes back to the obviously dying Dyson. She is desperate and not sure how, but she figures out how to blow chi back into him. After a couple of tries he starts to come around, clutching for Bo and choking and panting and looking more than a quarter leprechaun. And the first thing he does is apologize, “Bo, I am so sorry” with the saddest pained look on his face.

I can understand his heartache because that big dark cloud is completely overhead now. “Oh Bo and Dyson, I am so sorry.”

Quotes:

“The closest I get to a bear is a rug in front of a fire place.”

“Nice timing, Kenzi.” “Anytime, Baby.”

“A good stiff one usually loosens me right up.”

 “Can I have a gun?” “No.” “Grenades?” “Nope.” “A magic sword? Come on.”
 “I am murder fae bait. And when they kill me and I am never talking to you ever again.”

“Not me, not me.”

 “We only pick the ones that are incompetent.”

“Because we’re dealing with an evil florist?”

“Yes, this time it wasn’t me who had to eat the gross thing.”

“Say my name, bitch.”