Welcome back to the Lost Girl clubhouse. This week starts
with Kenzi getting her flirt on with a Kellan Lutz look-a-like delivery boy
when Bo steps in and totally crimps her style. Bo turns on the succubus charm,
and he leaves without getting paid looking like he’d finally met R. Patz. Kenzi
sets off on a good, and in my opinion totally deserved pout, and the two
devolve into their very first fight. Kenzi is messy, Bo is a boy hog. There is a
nice sister-sister vibe that rings true, right up until Bo backs down in a fit
of very unsister-like understanding. In my family there would have been more
hair pulling. Bo’s happy for their first fight like a real family, to which
Kenzi replies, “For walking Viagra, you are such a nerd.”
Kenzi one-liner score=1.
Their “aww” banter must be about to take a lethal turn, because we cut to two other sisters fighting and a little foreshadowing. They look like sweet old ladies, until one stabs the other with her knitting needles. Then, we follow a long string of yarn that has the neighborhood cats twitching and meet our creature of the week: a giant black and red spider.
We’re back, and Kenzi has a side venture going on that involves dressing like a gypsy and her “big” dream catcher. I’m sensing a con of some sort. And my fingers-crossed dreams are answered when they show up at 1600 Murder Ave and Kenzi starts talking with a Russian accent to a perky realtor. You are really good when you can make “namaste” sound Slavic. The sweet sister murder cottage needs a cleansing, and Kenzi is just the shaman to perform it. After racking up some more one liner points, Kenzi proceeds to earn some spending money. While she dances with a sage stick and rhymes, Dyson and Hale work the neighborhood. Dyson is concerned that something fae is responsible for the series of murder-suicides they’re tracking. Hale is feeling a little cynical today and dismisses his partner’s hunch, but is still willing to point out the only interesting thing he’s found in the neighborhood: Bo’s car. Kenzi collects her commission, her purse, and her next life-threatening plot twist, as the spider has crawled into her purse looking for another tasty duo of feuding housemates.
Bo and Kenzi exit the house to find our favorite detectives lounging on their car. “I smell bacon,” Kenzi quips, bringing her total up to 5. Dyson has really got his wolf on in this episode, and it is all about marking territory. But let’s be clear, as far as I’m concerned he’s welcome to stake out pretty much whatever catches his fancy. The boys light up brighter than the paint job on Bo’s car, and you can really feel the energy these four have with each other. Dyson gives Bo an appreciative wolf whistles and grins through the rest of their too-cute banter. “Relax it’s not a marriage proposal.” “I already sent out the invites.” I want one. No, really, I WANT one. Bo agrees to meet up later at the Dal to help Dyson with his case.
At the Dal, Dyson lays out the case for Bo, including some
snide humans are barbarians comments, and she agrees to see if any of her dark
fae contacts know anything. It’s cute to see Bo helping Dyson for once, but
when did she get dark fae contacts? It’s clear that a lot is supposed to be
happening in this world that we never get to see.
Enter Lauren: “Am I late or early?” Is that code for “Bo,
you aren’t allowed to talk to anyone else. You should be waiting quietly for
me”? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but this salutation seemed a bit
passive aggressive. There’s not much passive about Dyson’s response or the rest
of the scene. It is deliciously confrontational. Lauren continues her plan to
monopolize Bo by never being nice to anyone else around her, “Are you leaving?”
“What and miss this?” Dyson stretches out on the couch, and we are reminded
again of an alpha dog claiming space. Bo decides that the best way to make Lauren
feel comfortable is to insult Dyson, act snooty, and drink a lot of alcohol.
Her plan goes swimmingly. To Dyson, “Scootch over.” “I don’t scootch.” “Come on
you’re part wolf, I’m sure we can find him a carpet or something.” I’m trying
not to picture Dyson on a carpet, in front of fire…when Bo makes her next foray
into conversation saying that they’ve never all hung out before, “it’s like a
threesome. Not that I’ve thought of it that way or anything.” Sure you haven’t
honey, sure. We pan across the room to Kenzi and Hale talking at the bar.
Keeping both groups in the shot reminds you again of how much is going on in
the Lost Girl universe that we never get to see and also does a great job of
highlighting Hale’s comments amount running with the alpha dog. Kenzi is upset
about Bo being oblivious to other people’s feelings, but Hale is picking up on
jealous undertones in there as well. With tensions high, it is time for the
episode bad guy to get involved, so it promptly bites Kenzi, sending her home
with a headache.
Back to the threesome, Lauren, surprisingly, goes on the offensive. I give her points for balls, but the only weight she’s throwing around is her boss’s, which doesn’t seem to impress Dyson that much. “The Ash requires it.” “Well, then he can call me himself.” “We’re on the same side, Dyson.” “No, you’re a human that works for my side.” Lauren name drops the Ash once more, managing to find a chinch in Dyson’s armor, “Are you questioning my fealty?” You bet your bottom dollar she was. She was like a Fox News anchor asking if a Democrat could actually love the US of A. I wasn’t expecting Lauren to hold her own for this long, so props to her. Plus, she has a great “if only I could shoot icicle lasers out of my eyeballs” glare. Dyson reminds Lauren that she can’t do anything without the Ash’s permission and takes the day and the couch, but doesn’t pick up a lot of points with Bo for his behavior.
Back at the clubhouse, the spider bite is definitely taking its toll on Kenzi, but it hasn’t hurt her quick wit. “So, did you pick a lover? Or did Dr. Freeze and Canine Crotch fight to death?” Kenzi doles out wisdom that any 13-year-old-girl should already know: guys can get territorial. Kenzi takes the rest of the conversation with three more one liner points. Now, it is Bo’s turn to meet the episode baddy and in a terrifying shower scene, the spider bites her. I’m taking baths for a week.
The next day, the spider effects are hitting Kenzi hard and Bo’s not doing too much better. Kenzi is hallucinating creepy sound effects that have you looking out for a kid on a big wheel and her asking Bo, “Did you bring home elves last night? I’m not judging I just want to know.” Ah, Kenzi another point for you. Even though Kenzi is self-medicating with sugary breakfast cereal with vitamins and minerals, but “no Vicodin,” she recommends a trip to Dr. Lauren for Bo.
Bo goes to see Lauren for a checkup. And after dismissing that two patients who live together are exhibiting the exact same symptoms as being medically relevant, I have to stick with Kenzi when she says, “Med school worth every dime.” Well done, Dr. Lauren. Elsewhere, Dyson won’t give up on his case, and he’s found a tenuous link between all the victims and now is getting the evidence boxes from the other jurisdictions. Bo drops off her list of possible suspects and exhibits enough red flags for Dyson to become concerned about her. It’s another near miss in Helping Bo Land because Hale has found something in the evidence boxes that calls Dyson away: cobwebs. Lots of cobwebs. Dyson ties it all together with what Bo said about the cottage in need of a cleansing and decides it must be fae.
Away to the fae labs, and delectably Dr. Lauren, to investigate. Fortunately, Lauren is better with a microscope than she is with a patient and can tell with a glance that the webbing is 800x stronger than silk and very complex. Fae it is, then, was there ever any doubt? While they wait for the cell analysis, we get the saddest physical ever. First our shockingly unprofessional Dr. Lauren is surprised to note that supernaturally fast, extra strong wolf-boy has “excellent” reflexes. You don’t say. Are we really testing this relative to human expectations? She then proceeds to use her position as a doctor as a chance to get a few digs in on the competition while she’s got him vulnerable and half-naked on her turf. Just kidding, he is neither vulnerable nor half-naked. Although how you do a proper physical without even removing your patient’s tie is beyond me. First she asks about Dyson’s therapy sessions and then brings up that Bo has mentioned that Dyson has been tired lately. Because apparently, Bo “knows she can talk to” her. And also that Lauren has no concept of confidentiality. She needs to take another look at the Fae-HIPPA. Dyson hedges and admits he’s tired, but it’s Bo’s fault, and if she wants to know more than that, she’ll have to get it from Bo herself. Touché. So the physical was a ruse and the best we got was two buttons unbuttoned. No wonder he’s been blowing her off.
Back at the clubhouse, Kenzi has met the enemy and it is a giant-ass spider. She and Bo head towards the basement to take care of it, neither in a very rationale state of mind. They muck around in the cobweb-covered basement and decide that escaping the spider is a better plan and run to the door only to find it bricked over. Uh oh! We pull back to see the clear blue sky and that they are only imagining it. Even worse!
Lauren gets the cell analysis and calls Dyson to tell him
the results, but not before going around him and pushing the alarm. It’s
starting to look like Bo is going to get caught in the Dr. Freeze/Canine Crotch
crossfire. Wonder who will figure out first that Bo is in trouble? Lauren has
identified the spider as a djieiene a Native American underfae that feeds off
of freaked out pheromones and makes people kill each other. Dyson quickly puts
two and two together and realizes that Bo’s red flags all point to spider
infestation. Well done, doc, for reading the symptoms out loud and not
connecting them with two of your patients from earlier in the day. She must be
HMO. She gets no love from me, because she gets off the phone with Dyson and
promptly tells the security team that Bo is infected and needs to be
eradicated, even though she has no idea how to kill the spider or if Bo could
have been saved.
Not knowing that Lauren has called in the hit squad, Dyson sends Hale ahead to save the girls. Siren skills have proven useful with crazy chicks in previous episodes, so I have high hopes. Instead of sirening them though, he tries to talk Kenzi down, “Take deep lady breaths, that’s a cute sword,” and gets a frying pan to the head for his trouble. They tie Hale up, and Bo realizes that she’s sick. She needs to feed. Watch out, Kenzi! “Can I offer you a pastry?” “I’m not that kind of hungry sweetheart.” Kenzi runs and Bo turns to Hale to sate her needs. Did our triangle just turn into a quadrilateral? Bo instantly feels better and bolts to the door to go get help, but runs into the scary security lady instead who tells her she can’t leave. Dyson finally gets to the clubhouse, and it turns out he knows security chicky. He pulls some “old time’s sake” strings and gets two hours before they kill Bo, Hale, and Kenzi. Dyson certainly got around in his day. Wow. Bo goes straight to number one on her speed dial for help: Dyson. She tells him she fed off of Hale and is feeling better. Dyson’s not sure he likes her feeding off his bestie, but since Hale’s still alive, there are bigger fish to fry. Dyson tells her he is outside and working on saving her. “That’s why you are my favorite stalker.” Mine too, sweetheart, mine too, if only he know where I lived. Dyson goes to look for information, and Bo moves to the basement to kill the spider, but not before Hale comes too long enough to helplessly watch as the spider bites him.
Dyson finds Lauren with the Trick-o-pedia and instantly
calls her out for using her position to try and get Bo killed. She explains
that the djieiene is a really nasty creature, and Trick backs her up. Dyson
calls, “bullshit.” And I agree. It’s one thing to contain the creature, but to
call in a hit when you have no idea how to kill it is pretty silly. Dyson isn’t
thinking of black-and-white protocol, he’s thinking of Bo. And when I’m looking
for a protector-type, putting my best interests first is a major plus.
Just as Bo is learning firsthand that the spider can’t be killed, Trick translates that the spider buries its heart—kill the heart, kill the spider. Ignore the cheerleader. So squashing it won’t work and probably neither will fire, and still Lauren doesn’t call off the hit. Dyson pulls out the list from Bo and Trick recognizes the name of a dark fae pet shop owner who hasn’t been around in a few months. Dyson leaves to follow the lead and Lauren tags along. She can “identify the heart” apparently.
Back in casa de crazy, Kenzi goes on the offensive and locks Bo in the basement. Thinking that Hale knows a secret way out since he got in somehow, she promises to let him go if he shows it to her. He goes along with it, but it is quickly clear that the spider venom is affecting him hardcore. He tries to whistle Kenzi’s brain into soup, but she briefly outsmarts him with the noise from a vacuum cleaner and Bo hits him with the frying pan, again. Poor guy, the only thing he’s going to remember is the taste of apricots. Kenzi sees Hale’s gun and pulls it on Bo.
Dyson and Lauren bring pet shop boy back to the Dal. Trick hits him with some kind of faerie dust. It’s pretty cool he has that stuff behind the bar, no wonder he doesn’t have bouncers. Trick informs the team that he mistranslated and the djieiene doesn’t bury its heart it implants it. Dyson gives pet shop boy a slightly more lethal look before ripping open his shirt. Lauren pushes him out of the way so she can listen for the extra heartbeat. And I call bullshit this time. I’m guessing Dyson’s hearing is just a bit better than hers. Whatever, control freak girl, I’ll let you be useful if you stop calling exterminators out to kill our hero. Lauren is screwing around with pet shop boy’s abdomen and Dyson is left fielding calls from scary security chick informing him she’s about to kill his friends. He tries to explain what’s up, but security won’t listen. Why isn’t Lauren making this call? Lauren stabs the guy to get out the heart in a most unsurgical manner. Where did she go to med school? Grenada? She pulls out the heart and starts to swoon over it. Dyson urges her to kill it and she does. The spider’s death instantly affects Kenzi and she drops the gun. Lauren finally gets on the phone to security chick and fixes her mistake. Relief, everyone is safe and sound. Except for Hale’s brain damage, but I’m sure he won’t notice.
It’s time to wrap up all the stories and what better place than Lauren’s lab. Bo thanks the doc in a flirty, flirty way for saving them, and Lauren doesn’t even hesitate to take all the credit. Dyson comes in and strides over to Dr. Lauren. He accuses her of being inconsistent, but still surprising him. Lauren asks if he is upset because of her questionable loyalties or the fact she Bo’s savior this time. Dyson retorts, “you’re the one who almost got her killed.” Boo-ya and thank you very much. Lauren taking credit for the save is super offensive to me. We’re definitely getting set up for a bigger confrontation.
Kenzi and Bo are reconciling at home, when Dyson brings them pizza. He is so much cuter than the earlier delivery boy I almost forgot baby Kellan Lutz existed. The pizza comes with a warning though: Dyson doesn’t trust Lauren. “She’s just too close to the Ash, and you’re too close to her.” Bo retorts that she does trust Lauren, and one more nail in the not-going-to-listen-to-you coffin, Lauren “cares.” Dyson’s unwilling to say the same, but he is willing to say no more healing for Bo. It’s a little petty, but I can see where he’s coming from. Bo takes a lot from Dyson and he’s always been there for her, she really should trust him by now.
Next week things come to a head. Set your DVRs and don’t, I mean DO NOT, miss the first five minutes. Boy, oh, boy are they good!
1. Does Kenzi have a room?
2.
Is Lauren trustworthy?
3.
Is Dyson trustworthy?
4.
What household implement would you prefer to be
killed with?
5.
Does anyone know what “double-stuffed” means?
Quotes:
“I’m pretty sure his crust is double-stuffed.”
“Don’t give up now, his eyes say no, but his inner wolf
says, ‘aahhooo-yes.’”
“I thought she fixed your hungry honeypot.”
“Poor, Bo. So many choices, just one vag.”
“It tried to rip me in the face. The face part of my face.”
Hales get some love too:
“She’s not a person. She’s a mystical panty remover.”
“Oh, you guys stopped fighting? Nobody even got their top
ripped off.”
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